Category: Reminiscing

Finding difficult to sleep these days. I need to close the page of my life’s book and start a new one. Not a new page, or a new chapter, or even a part two, no, no, no, I need a new book entirely.

A book which won’t be filled with pain, anger, disappointment and regret.

I know, I did or I contributed to some bad things. There is no forgiveness of or return from doing that, what was done, was done.

I also did some good things. Or, in the end, I tried-I really did.

Goodbye, old memory-I am sorry that my insecurities and lust for revenge messed up your life.

So long, another old memory-we both knew it wasn’t meant to happen, but we tried-and while it could’ve been better, it could’ve definitely be worst.

Farewell, my dearest friend-I pray that those who stayed treat you better than those who left, and I don’t need your forgiveness for which it holds no benefit, as I would never forgive myself for that situation, but I need you to be OK. I pray that you are. And that wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, life is filled with love, fulfilment and happiness.

Last but not the least, take it easy, Cristian. Learn to forgive- others and, especially, yourself.

Learn to focus on yourself, as there are things which need addressing.

Learn to stop holding the weight of the world on your shoulder.

Learn to appreciate those who are here “now”, rather than feeling guilty for what happened “before”.

All I can do is focus on becoming a better version of myself. And while I might not achieve my best, if it would be better than my current version, then I’ll call that progress. Sort of.

Hasta la pasta, baby.

 

 

 

When I repurchased the domain name, I was planning to stop writing things in my head and put them here instead. Over a month went by and I had written everything in my head, I put nothing down here.

Maybe my head just moved on past writing important stuff on the interned. These days, I merely use it to communicate with the few friends I’ve got and the only writing I’m doing is when  entering the endless debates about nothing, from which I exit after a few minutes.

Truth to be told, I am not interested in those subjects much-it just gaves me an easy way to blow off some steam.

it does not matter really what I think about what and I am aware of that, and I start to think that most people who comment and enter arguments are aware of this as well-they just use internet as an escape. Or maybe I am wrong, it doesn’t really matter at the end of the day.

Speaking of what matter, real life called so the blow writing most stop for now. See you between approximately and never to write again about everything and nothing.

 

7 Years

I remember like it was today. While I was placing everything I’ve had in a Decathlon bought suitcase and a CapyTempo backpack which a friend gave me a few years back, my dog was curious about what I was doing, and so were my cats. Little would they know that in a few hours, I will physically be as far away from them as I will be from ever seeing most of them again.

I did one last night of PC activities-some browsing, minimal gaming, went to make some last pics of my pets and mum, then I slept for around 2 hours before one of my friends came to drop me at the airport.

It was my first time there, I remember going through the customs fairly straightforwardly, then waiting at departures.

As I was boarding the plane, I remember how my mother merely encouraged me before I entered my friend’s car and told me that It was about time I try something different, which was the first (and only) time she actually approved this.

I wished I could’ve listened to Eminem’s song Lose yourself but my phone’s audio jack was messed up, I could only find the courage within my mind and carry on this path.

 

Remember being on British soil for the first time, panicking around the bus stops, walking towards my temporary accommodation using Here and Google Maps. I remember going into town at 5PM just to find everything shut and wondering where everyone was (where I came from, 6-7 PM is the time when everyone is out lol).

But most importantly, I remember not having any idea whatsoever about what I’m going to do and still moving forward with ticking all of my objectives-finding a rent accommodation, get the right to work in the UK, opening a bank account, familiarizing myself with the new surroundings, meeting new acquaintances-all done by an introvert who hates talking to people in general, let alone to new people, in new environments.

I do not know how I managed to go through with all this, but this experience proved to me that focus and dedication can prevail when fear and doubts can’t break your spirit.

While over 2191 days have passed since I came into the post-brexit vote United Kingdom, I don’t remember many of these days as I did remember that one. I might’ve not seen it at the time, but this all process proved to me that many things are only difficult in my head and most things get easier once I’ve started.

Unfortunately, I need to put a stop for now-life’s calling. A hot piece of lasagne and a slice of mango cake, to celebrate this milestone. Chapeau.