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Month: March 2024

So Long

Finding difficult to sleep these days. I need to close the page of my life’s book and start a new one. Not a new page, or a new chapter, or even a part two, no, no, no, I need a new book entirely.

A book which won’t be filled with pain, anger, disappointment and regret.

I know, I did or I contributed to some bad things. There is no forgiveness of or return from doing that, what was done, was done.

I also did some good things. Or, in the end, I tried-I really did.

Goodbye, old memory-I am sorry that my insecurities and lust for revenge messed up your life.

So long, another old memory-we both knew it wasn’t meant to happen, but we tried-and while it could’ve been better, it could’ve definitely be worst.

Farewell, my dearest friend-I pray that those who stayed treat you better than those who left, and I don’t need your forgiveness for which it holds no benefit, as I would never forgive myself for that situation, but I need you to be OK. I pray that you are. And that wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, life is filled with love, fulfilment and happiness.

Last but not the least, take it easy, Cristian. Learn to forgive- others and, especially, yourself.

Learn to focus on yourself, as there are things which need addressing.

Learn to stop holding the weight of the world on your shoulder.

Learn to appreciate those who are here “now”, rather than feeling guilty for what happened “before”.

All I can do is focus on becoming a better version of myself. And while I might not achieve my best, if it would be better than my current version, then I’ll call that progress. Sort of.

Hasta la pasta, baby.

 

 

 

Unlimited Thoughts

Hello, is me again. Still trying to get my head around things.

I have everything mapped out inside my brain, I just need the will to do it. Why I haven’t started already? Well, I did started but I kind of got side tracked. Still, everything is in my head.

I haven’t procrastinated with everything, luckily I actioned and helped to solve some very big issues that appeared with my close ones. For starters, I start to believe that every single state institution around the world is run by dummies. Run by, or work by rules made by them. Horrendous, but that’s finished now and I can 100% say that sometimes, life give us happy endings. If we know what to do with them or not, that’s another story entirely.

I recently started to get back into the Last of Us game. I still maintain my opinion that this has to be the most overrated gaming franchise of all time. Basically, the game is like Uncharted but with clickers and crafting. And yeah, kind of creepy as we have scenes of an underage person looking at porn magazines and cocks, why I am not surprised that the Weird Patrol at Naughty Dog thought it’s a good idea to include that scene in the remastered game (not sure if it’s on the remake as well or not).

But if my experience of TLOU is not overwhelming, I recently finished Dark Souls 3 and it’s DLC’s and that one was time well spent. I bought the game impulsively to be honest, did not expected to complete it but here I was. Also, Ryse: True Son of Rome was a good time. Not historically accurate, but graphics and gameplay were on point and the story was ok, something to pass the time.

I also started Soulstice, but as much as I enjoy the story, the 2.5D gameplay is a bit repetitive and I’m yet to decide if I’ll continue it or not.

Last but not the least, I have started last month a new little novel. Not sure if this would be one I’ll actually finish or leave it be, but I hope I’ll get myself together to write it all down. Most of it it’s in my head, “How I met my soulmate” is one of the titles that floats around on my mind for it but it’s not set in stones. Unfortunately, like most of my best work it involves pain and skydiving in my darkest and unexplored corners for my unconscious, so writing it it’s not an easy¬† task.