Finding difficult to sleep these days. I need to close the page of my life’s book and start a new one. Not a new page, or a new chapter, or even a part two, no, no, no, I need a new book entirely.
A book which won’t be filled with pain, anger, disappointment and regret.
I know, I did or I contributed to some bad things. There is no forgiveness of or return from doing that, what was done, was done.
I also did some good things. Or, in the end, I tried-I really did.
Goodbye, old memory-I am sorry that my insecurities and lust for revenge messed up your life.
So long, another old memory-we both knew it wasn’t meant to happen, but we tried-and while it could’ve been better, it could’ve definitely be worst.
Farewell, my dearest friend-I pray that those who stayed treat you better than those who left, and I don’t need your forgiveness for which it holds no benefit, as I would never forgive myself for that situation, but I need you to be OK. I pray that you are. And that wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, life is filled with love, fulfilment and happiness.
Last but not the least, take it easy, Cristian. Learn to forgive- others and, especially, yourself.
Learn to focus on yourself, as there are things which need addressing.
Learn to stop holding the weight of the world on your shoulder.
Learn to appreciate those who are here “now”, rather than feeling guilty for what happened “before”.
All I can do is focus on becoming a better version of myself. And while I might not achieve my best, if it would be better than my current version, then I’ll call that progress. Sort of.
Hasta la pasta, baby.
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