It is not the first time I dream about you during Christmas but is the most painful one until now.
I don’t need to travel deep down on my thoughts to know what happened and where I went wrong. Just wishing I could’ve done better won’t cut it I’m afraid, I needed to torment my own brain and create scenarios that are taking me to the same right spot, in the same damn mental situation.
Holidays are a good period for me, because I enjoy the pain or at least I think that I do.
Is it true that chained souls forged by deep feelings and disappointments are connected even when not close? Well, probably not but this is what I tell myself.
To quote agent Reed from Cyberpunk, “I know I’ve done the right thing-Then why I keep asking myself if I could’ve done things differently? It hurts…but it should hurt”.
Maybe I should’ve just gone deep into the root of my problem, which basically is the fact that I need to be the one responsible-I need to. I can’t have it any other way, If I don’t torment myself for being my fault, then I don’t like it.
Maybe I should’ve named this article “I’m a clown-part two”.
But is not all bad, at the end of the day I have quite some good times in many ways.
Anyway, time to enjoy the lovely turkey cooked in the oven in the last few hours and then some of the sugary shit I prepurchase to make me feel good.